I Miss You
by Cattitude
Summary: Megumi receives a letter that will change her life forever. Oneshot.


Author: Silent Tears of Agony

Title: I Miss You

Rated: G (Have you ever noticed that only my one-shots are rated G? Well that shall change eventually. --cackles--)

Disclaimer: -snorts- What, you actually think that I have the talent to write Rurouni Kenshin or Slipped Away? Nope, sorry to disappoint you. In case you're wondering, Slipped Away was written by Avril Lavigne.

**This story is dedicated to my very best friend, Night Imp. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. I hope things get better for you soon sweetie. :)**

-

Megumi hummed slightly as she put on her red lipstick. Six months ago she had written a letter to Sano, pouring out her heart to him. Now she had a feeling that today was the day that she was going to hear from him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Megumi giggled slightly as she opened up her parasol. Hmm, she better make sure she didn't do that in public or people might think she had gone soft. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and schooled her features back into her usual haughty smile.

Taking a deep breath, she set out for the post office. On her way over she saw a young couple arguing. Their body language reminded her a lot of her and Sano's argument right before he left. He had come to tell her that he had to leave Japan.

And that he wanted her to come with him. That he loved her. But she had been afraid. She had never been outside of Japan before. So she had replied that if he -really- loved her, then he would stay with her in Japan. He had looked at her so sorrowfully that she almost gave in.

"I can't Kitsune. The cops are after me. I think they want to kill me." He rubbed the back of his neck uneasily.

"I can't stay, but it would mean a lot to me if you came with me. I'll even marry you if that's what you want."

Anger flared up in her eyes. "Don't trouble yourself for my expense!"

"No! Wait! I didn't mean it that way! Kitsune!"

But it was too late; Megumi had already gone inside and closed the door. She had slumped to the floor and wept quietly. Outside, Sano had incessantly banged against the door and yelled for her to come back outside. Eventually he gave up and stomped off.

That was the last time Megumi ever saw or heard from him.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Oh sure, Kenshin and Kaoru had received plenty of letters from Sano. But not one ever came for Megumi; none of his letters ever even mentioned her. So too, Megumi never mentioned Sano. And she would excuse herself whenever his name was brought up in a conversation. Eventually it became the unspoken rule not to mention him around her.

But that didn't mean she forgot him. Every day she thought about him. She wondered where he was. If he was safe. If he ever thought about her.

If he had found someone else.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Good morning Takani-sensei. How are you today?" The postmaster greeted her.

"Fine, thank you. How is your son doing?"

The man's face broke into a wide grin. "Much better, thank you. Those herbs you gave us really helped. I am eternally grateful. If there is anything I can do in return, please let me know and I will gladly do it."

"I'll just settle for getting my mail, please." The man grinned sheepishly.

"Of course Takani-sensei," he murmured. He handed her some packages filled with medicine. Megumi's shoulders visibly slumped.

"Is this all? Are you sure no packages came from China or somewhere around there?" The postmaster shook his head.

"I'm afraid not. Were you expecting something?"

"No, I guess not," she whispered sadly.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Megumi aimlessly wandered the streets of Tokyo. She had finally broken down and admitted her loneliness when Kaoru announced her second pregnancy. Megumi desperately wanted the kind of happiness Kenshin and Kaoru had. That was why she had finally admitted her feelings for Sano to herself. And now she had been so _sure_ that something would happen today, only to be disappointed.

Heaving a sigh, Megumi realized her wanderings had led her to the gate of the Kamiya dojo. Well, a visit _would _cheer her up. She could always use the excuse that she was checking on Kaoru if anyone asked.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Megumi wasn't all that surprised to be greeted by a grumpy Yahiko. She _was _surprised to see both Kenshin and Kaoru in tears, albeit Kenshin was much calmer than his wife was. Still, to see Kenshin crying was not something Megumi had ever expected to happen.

"What's wrong? Is Kenji okay?" Kaoru, too choked up with tears to talk, simply nodded.

"He's in his room, sleeping." Kenshin answered.

"Is it the baby, then? Did--do you think . . .?"

"No Megumi-dono, we are all fine."

"Then what is it?" Kenshin closed his eyes in pain.

"We - we just received word this morning. Sano was killed two months ago." Megumi's body became numb; her brain distantly registering Yahiko's protests and Kaoru's increased sobs. This was why she never allowed herself to dream, because every time she did, she was brought back to reality with brutal force.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Megumi sat listlessly as the few people who had come to pay their respects to Sano filed out of the temple.

"Megumi-san, are you all right?" She turned to look at Kaoru with dull eyes. What kind of question was that? Kaoru was the one who kept insisting Megumi felt more for Sano than she admitted.

"I haven't ate or slept in days. There's an ache in my chest that hasn't left since . . . since I . . ." She closed her eyes and shook her head before continuing. "And no matter how hard I try I can't _feel _anything. I haven't even cried. So you tell me, am I alright!" Kaoru winced as Megumi started yelling. She was right, Kaoru should have been more sensitive. Hadn't she gone through this herself when Kenshin left her?

"Megumi-san, you can't go on like this. We're worried about you. Sano wouldn't like seeing you like this."

Megumi went back to staring forward blankly. "I guess he won't have to now, will he?" Kaoru sighed.

"Kenshin and I would like you to come over for dinner. And you don't have to worry, Kenshin will be cooking." Kaoru added the last part in an attempt to lighten Megumi's spirits and her mood fell when she didn't get any reaction from the doctor.

Kenshin lightly touched her shoulder. "Kenji has been asking about you all week. Won't you come for him at least?" Megumi bowed her head, which Kenshin took for acceptance.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Megumi's tears finally came.

Soon after that came the bitter anger of loss. Which was why Megumi currently found herself glaring at Sano's gravemarker.

"You shouldn't have left, you know. If you had stayed, you'd still be alive. I hate you! You didn't even say goodbye! Nobody ever says goodbye to me." Megumi sat silently for a moment before hitting the stone marker with all of her force. "This is all your fault!"

Megumi looked at the blood welling up over the torn skin of her knuckles and her lips quivered. "No," she whispered, "it's all my fault. If I had gone with you, you might still be alive. If I had just faced my fears . . ." Megumi quickly wiped away a few escaped tears.

"And maybe you would both be dead by now." Megumi whipped her head around to see Kenshin smiling down at her. He kneeled down and nodded his head toward the grave marker.

"I understand how you feel. When Tomoe died there were times I found myself angry at her. For trying to protect me during battle. For betraying me in the first place. For . . . so many things." He stared off into the distance, unused to sharing so much personal information. "Then I would get angry at myself because _I_ was the one responsible for her death." He shook his head sadly. "So many times I found myself wishing I could trade places with her."

"How did you get past those feelings?"

"It was hard. At first I thought atoning for her death and all the other people I killed would be enough. But then I met Kaoru, Yahiko, Sano, and you. I had found a family to truly care for, and who cared about me in return. It was the first time since Tomoe that I had felt that way." Kenshin laid his hands over the doctor's smaller ones.

"We're here to offer whatever support you need Megumi-dono. But you have to work with us and accept that help." He tapped his forehead. "It took Kaoru awhile to get that through my thick skull, but you're smart enough sessha thinks you'll get it quicker than I did."

Megumi laughed until she started crying again. It wasn't really that funny, but it felt good to relieve the pressure. "Oh, I needed that." Megumi wiped her eyes and gave Kenshin a watery smile. "Would you mind holding me Ken-san?" Megumi held her hands up in a defensive gesture when Kenshin stared at her uncertainly. "I promise I'm not trying to seduce you, I haven't since you married Kaoru. I just need a shoulder to cry on." She hiccuped with the force it took to hold her tears back. "And you said you'd help me."

Kenshin nodded his head and gathered her into his arms. "You may cry as long as you wish, Megumi-dono." Megumi burst into tears.

"I wish Sano was here!"

Kenshin patted her back in the same manner he did when his son was upset. "So does sessha."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The day had broken cold and gray -fitting to Megumi's mood. She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling, trying to will herself to get up. Kenshin and Kaoru were coming over soon to check on Kaoru's progress and she had to get ready. 'Come on Megumi, this isn't like you. You're not one to mope and feel sorry for yourself.' She needed to throw herself back into her work. It was how she had dealt with pain before; it should help her get through the pain now.

Megumi got up and looked out her window, leaning her forehead against the pane in the progress. She had to will the tears back when she saw Kenshin steal a kiss from his wife before coming around to the front of the clinic. 'It's not fair. Everyone I love always leaves, first my family and then Sano. Everyone else around me has someone. Am I so bad that I don't deserve such happiness?'

Megumi sighed, 'You said you were going to stop this childish behavior, Takani. Sano _died_ far away from his homeland and the people who cared about him, and you have the gall to complain about _your _life? At least you still have one!' Such thoughts did not have the desired effect however, and it was with lethargic hands and a dejected spirit that Megumi found herself turning away from the window and getting dressed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Somehow, Kenshin and Kaoru had gotten it into their heads that time spent with Kenji would lift Megumi's spirits. And so it was that she found herself running errands with the red-haired boy in tow. Not that she minded. She loved him almost as much as she would her own child.

In fact during her most dark, depressed days - even before Sano died - she would find herself pretending he was hers. Only she could imagine he was a little taller with wild brown hair and laughing eyes the color of chocolate. Megumi knew it was stupid, ridiculous and so, so dangerous - yet she just couldn't seem to stop herself.

"Megumi-san?" Kenji tugged on her sleeve. "Megumi-san can we get some sweet cakes?" Megumi followed his line of vision to see him staring hopefully at a street vendor.

"I'll make some for you when we get to my house. You like my sweet cakes don't you?" Kenji smiled and nodded.

"Thank you Megumi-san." He hugged her, "you're so nice. You're my favorite person. After mommy and daddy," he added after a brief pause. Megumi's heart tightened as she hugged Kenji back.

'I think I would have made a good mother.' Megumi caught a flutter of a white shirt and wild hair out of the corner of her eye and hastened to follow it, almost forgetting Kenji in her quest.

But she was bitterly disappointed when she caught up to the man. There was no chance that he could be Sano, he was too short and the smile he gave her made her stomach churn in a sick sort of quiver. It was funny, Sano used to give her the same suggestive smile, and it caused her stomach to give excited little flip-flops. Maybe it was because she knew Sano would never force his intentions on her, or maybe she was just amazed that _anyone _could still smile at her after knowing her past.

"Megumi-san, who is that?"

"No one Kenji-chan. He just reminded me of someone I used to know." 'It was silly of me to think it could have possibly been the rooster-head. But he looked so much like him from the back.'

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Megumi held her hair back from her face as she watched the ships disembark. She had the urge to board one of those ships, if only to prove to herself that she could do it. She wondered if she had gone with Sano back when he asked her to, if he would still be alive. Or would they both be dead, as Kenshin had suggested?

Had he ever thought of her? Or had he found another woman right away? Perhaps he had found a woman without a bad past and a sharp tongue. Megumi liked to flatter herself that he hadn't. She liked to think that they could have had a love that lasted, perhaps even a family. The thought that Sano might have replaced right away severely tarnished that dream.

If only she could see Sano one more time, Megumi mused. She would tell him she was sorry for all the hurtful words she had ever said and any pain she had caused him. Then she would hope that he could, in turn, forgive her. That had been the basic gist of her letter to him. But without knowing if he had ever received it, her heart was having a very hard time healing. Megumi sighed and turned away from the ships that reminded her too much of her latest mistake. She couldn't change the past so there was no point in continuing to regret her stupidity.

It was time to move on, and Megumi decided she would stick to that resolve this time.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"It's just a case of the sniffles. Honestly Kaoru, you and Kenshin worry too much. It's not like this is your first time dealing with a sick baby."

"I know, but I can't help worrying. She _is _only a baby and healthy adults have died from the flu."

Megumi rolled her eyes, "it isn't the flu Kaoru. It's just a summer cold. I doubt it will get too serious, but if it does -"

"You know you'll be seeing me." Kaoru smiled down at her little baby. It was hard to imagine that a year had passed since they had received news of Sano's death. So much had happened since then. Little Keiko was born, Kenshin had a job, Yahiko and Tsubame were officially a couple, Kaoru was teaching Kenji the art of swords, and the dojo _finally _had some students.

And Megumi was back to her old flirty ways. Yet, Kaoru couldn't help but think something was amiss with the doctor. Her eyes had lost the luster they had developed over the years spent with the Kenshin-gumi and had returned to the wary expression she wore after her escape from Kanryuu. She seemed more distant too.

A tall man turned to face the two women when they stepped out of the examination room. Kaoru was pleased to see the spark in Megumi's eyes when he gave them a charming smile. He was quite handsome. Kaoru started scheming how she could get the two together. Of course he would have to be checked out first, but it was the first time Megumi had shown an interest in someone and she was _determined _to see her friend happy.

"Are you Takani Megumi?"

Megumi nodded, "yes, is there something I can help you with?"

"My name is Yoshida Kozuke. I was a friend of Sano's. I'm sorry it took me so long to deliver this. I had already sent out the letter containing the news of his death when I found this," he reached a hand into his shirt and pulled out a piece of paper. "I'm . . . afraid I read it, and when I did I wanted to deliver it myself."

He handed the paper to a curious Megumi. "You know Sano was always talking about you. When he told me how beautiful you are I thought he had to be exaggerating. Now I see every word of it was true." By the time he had finished speaking, tears were evident on Megumi's face.

"Takani-san, are you alright?" Megumi looked up with a bright smile.

"He got my letter! He must have in order to write me this." In an uncharacteristic move, Megumi flung her arms around Kozuke, dropping Sano's letter in the process. "Oh thank you. Thank you so much for giving this to me!"

Kaoru picked up the letter and smiled when she read it. There was only one line, but to Megumi's bruised heart Kaoru felt it must have been worth more than a thousand.

_I Miss You_

_-_

Ah, finally it's done. I've been working on this story for almost a year:)

I _finally _found out what is meant by "public domain" (I wish this site was a bit more clear about such things). Because I now have a better understanding of this, and why this site no longer allows songfics I finally took out the lyrics. It seems no matter how hard I pray for help, not passing judgement is a virtue I can't quite master. :( Well, I shall just keep practicing and praying. :)

If you would like to read my songfics with the lyrics, or you are looking for a place that posts songfics here are a few sites: _mediaminer . org, meijitales . com, animespiral . com, ffsanctuary . net_


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